El Código - Tango Etiquette
The Tango Etiquette describes behavioural standards commonly observed in the culture of Argentine tango milongas. Some contents may be debatable. Some rules may be relaxed in some milongas and specific situations (i.e.. among close friends, etc.) Nonetheless, it is important for milongueras and milongueros to be aware of these standards. New tango dancers may not be aware of these rules. Therefore, experienced dancers set a good example by being patient, polite, and sensitive with less experienced dancers. Always remember that once you were a beginner as well.
Tangueras and tangueros are invited to provide feedback and suggest amendments.
1) The first dance and the last dance
Milongueras and milongueros will frequently see particular significance in their first and their last dance of the milonga. They may seek to dance their first tanda with a familiar and smooth partner, and thereby start off the evening on the right foot. As for the last dance, we find tradition among porteños to dance the last tanda with their significant other, a potential lover or an otherwise important person. One may chose to relax this rule especially if in agreement with their significant other. For singles it's open game. Though if the partner is known to have a significant other, it is courteous to ask whether they wish to dance with their significant other.
2) The invitation to dance (see Cabeceo in The Tango Dictionary).
The cabeceo makes the invitation to dance less stressful as it allows the invited person to decline discretely.
Non-verbal cues are frequently used. So, as you are getting ready to ask someone to dance, try to catch their eye, smile and nod. You might raise your eyebrows in an inquiring expression or directing a nod towards the dance floor. Observe their body language. For instance, if you make eye-contact and the other person quickly turns away, pretends not to see you, or busies themselves in some way, it means they do not want to dance. On the other hand, if your potential partner returns your eye-contact with a smile and/or a nod, you are encouraged to invite them verbally (ie. "would you like to dance?").
When inviting a person who is in the presence of their significant other, it is courteous to ask their significant other for permission. Be friendly but not flirtatious and avoid dance moves that are sexually suggestive. Avoid monopolizing anyone s partner with multiple tandas (see Tanda in The Tango Dictionary).
3) How to gracefully receive a rejection
When we invite someone and they give us a courteous "no" (i.e.. "not right now", "my feet need to rest", etc.), we do not sit down beside them to wait until they are ready to dance. We let them be for a while. How long is "a while?" Regardless of the form in which a "no" was formulated, it means no for at least 2 tandas. After 2-5 tandas you may consider inviting that person again. We may find that the person who rejected us earlier, may track us down for a dance later.
4) How to politely give a rejection
In the great majority of cases, avoiding eye contact will prevent someone from inviting you. If that person approaches regardless, and invites you verbally it is fine to say "no".
When verbally rejecting someone's invite, although we might want to dance with them later, we can provide an excuse such as "Sorry, but I need a break", or "I already promised this dance to someone", or "thanks but I need to rest my feet". If our excuse involves resting, we should wait at least for the next song or preferably for the next tanda before dancing with someone else. Always remember to be nice when rejecting someone. Try not to hurt their feelings.
5) Tanda communication
It is customary to dance the entire tanda with the same partner unless there is a particular reason to stop (i.e.. the man is rude or very disappointing as a dance partner, your ride is waiting, your feet are aching, etc.). When two people are done dancing, one of the dancers will say gracias (thank you), the other person will respond the same way, and they leave the floor. and leave. So, the phrase "thank you" actually means "I am done dancing and ready to leave the dance floor". This is preferably at the end of a tanda, unless they want to dance another set. When two people are finished dancing, it is customary for the leader to escort the follower off the floor.
6) Line of dance (see Ronda in The Tango Dictionary)
Couples move counter-clockwise on the dance floor. This is the line of dance. Faster lanes are on the outside of the dance floor, and slower lanes run closer to the center. Refrain from randomly intersecting these lanes, especially on a crowded floor. The dance floor is reserved for couples who are currently dancing, and all others should clear the floor.
7) Collisions
When collisions happen, everyone involved should be generous and courteous in acknowledging the collision quietly. It doesn't matter whose fault it is and we will not make a big deal of the collision. To avoid collisions, both partners should help in maintaining awareness of others on the dance floor. Keeping your eyes open (as opposed to "tango trance") certainly helps awareness. Try to avoid aggressive moves on a crowded floor (i.e.. high boleos, hard ganchos, big figures, etc.) Be ready to slow down or even stop a step or figure as necessary. Leaders, be very cautious when you decide to step backwards (i.e.. shoulder-check first). Followers, let the leader know, verbally or non-verbally (i.e.. hand squeeze, holding closer, slowing down, etc.), if you notice an impending collision.
8) Feedback
While on the dance floor, please avoid chatting, providing feedback, corrections or pausing to show your partner a new step. This may be perceived as inappropriate by your partner and/or others around you. Corrective feedback is best kept for practicas and classes. Otherwise, it is acceptable to provide discreet and sensitive feedback if it is asked for, or if permission is obtained to "make an observation".
9) No cutting in
It's simple, we do not ask whether we can "cut in" between two dancers in the middle of a song or tanda. Change of partners is done during cortinas (see Cortina in The Tango Dictionary). We don't interrupt dancers to say hello or goodbye either, though a non-intrusive nod and smile may be acceptable.
10) Personal hygiene
Skill, talent, and courtesy aside, it will be hard to dance with a person more than once if they find you smelly. Solutions are: 1. Clean clothing; 2. use deodorant, breath mints; 3. use a handkerchief to wipe your sweat, or take breaks as needed to reduce your perspiration; 4. VERY IMPORTANT -- you MUST wash your hands after using the washroom. 5. Have consideration for others when using fragrances. 6. Skip the milonga when you have a cold or flu.
Hopefully, we have all learned these things as kids. If we haven't, now is the time to establish these habits.
11) Romance
The tango embrace is a privilege, not an opportunity. Unwanted romantic advances should cease, and can be seen as very invasive if they happen during the tango embrace.
12) Respect
Many of the rules listed above will be intuitively observed if we are respectful. That is, respect for your partner and other persons at the milonga, respect for the cultural heritage of tango, respect for the music and band, respect for peoples dance styles and their skill levels.
A good dancer is one who listens to the music We dance the music not the steps. Anyone who aspires to dance never thinks about what he is going to do. What he cares about is that he follows the music. You see, we are painters. We paint the music with our feet.. -- Carlos Gavito (1942-2005)
Here's another spin on the cabeceo (thanks to Darlene J. and Michael A.):
Tips for Success With the Cabeceo - A tutorial from Alejandra Todaro
1. Have a plan and be disciplined. Know ahead of time who you want to dance with for each type of music (tango, vals, milonga).
2. Have a fallback position. Pick a second and a third choice ahead of time, and keep them in mind.
3. Try to quickly identify the music of the tanda, and then try to make eye-contact with your first choice for that type of music.
4. Do NOT take your eyes off that person, even for one second. (If you have a history, the rest is easy, because he or she will probably already be looking back when they hear the music).
5. If no eye contact is returned, wait a bit. If you sense the person is aware of you, but is looking elsewhere, immediately switch your stare to choice number two, and repeat the process.
6. If eye contact is made, any sign of recognition will work. Among the milongueros and milongueras, this is usually nothing more than a glance of a second or two, or maybe a slight nod, or a cutting of the eyes toward the floor.
7. If you happen to make eye contact by mistake with someone you don t want to dance with, show no reaction at all, and look away quickly! 8. Once the dance offer has been accepted, both partners should maintain eye contact while the woman remains seated, and the man crosses the floor and stands in front her.
9. Only when you are standing face to face, eye to eye, should the woman get up to dance. (This prevents crossed signals, where the intended partner may be sitting in the line of site, but one or two rows back).
10. When the dance is finished, the man always walks the woman back to her table, and then returns to his own.
So the wisdom that says everyone sees everything in a milonga is especially applicable here. The milongueros have spent so many years watching each other, that they seem almost telepathic.
Tangueras and tangueros are invited to provide feedback and suggest amendments.
1) The first dance and the last dance
Milongueras and milongueros will frequently see particular significance in their first and their last dance of the milonga. They may seek to dance their first tanda with a familiar and smooth partner, and thereby start off the evening on the right foot. As for the last dance, we find tradition among porteños to dance the last tanda with their significant other, a potential lover or an otherwise important person. One may chose to relax this rule especially if in agreement with their significant other. For singles it's open game. Though if the partner is known to have a significant other, it is courteous to ask whether they wish to dance with their significant other.
2) The invitation to dance (see Cabeceo in The Tango Dictionary).
The cabeceo makes the invitation to dance less stressful as it allows the invited person to decline discretely.
Non-verbal cues are frequently used. So, as you are getting ready to ask someone to dance, try to catch their eye, smile and nod. You might raise your eyebrows in an inquiring expression or directing a nod towards the dance floor. Observe their body language. For instance, if you make eye-contact and the other person quickly turns away, pretends not to see you, or busies themselves in some way, it means they do not want to dance. On the other hand, if your potential partner returns your eye-contact with a smile and/or a nod, you are encouraged to invite them verbally (ie. "would you like to dance?").
When inviting a person who is in the presence of their significant other, it is courteous to ask their significant other for permission. Be friendly but not flirtatious and avoid dance moves that are sexually suggestive. Avoid monopolizing anyone s partner with multiple tandas (see Tanda in The Tango Dictionary).
3) How to gracefully receive a rejection
When we invite someone and they give us a courteous "no" (i.e.. "not right now", "my feet need to rest", etc.), we do not sit down beside them to wait until they are ready to dance. We let them be for a while. How long is "a while?" Regardless of the form in which a "no" was formulated, it means no for at least 2 tandas. After 2-5 tandas you may consider inviting that person again. We may find that the person who rejected us earlier, may track us down for a dance later.
4) How to politely give a rejection
In the great majority of cases, avoiding eye contact will prevent someone from inviting you. If that person approaches regardless, and invites you verbally it is fine to say "no".
When verbally rejecting someone's invite, although we might want to dance with them later, we can provide an excuse such as "Sorry, but I need a break", or "I already promised this dance to someone", or "thanks but I need to rest my feet". If our excuse involves resting, we should wait at least for the next song or preferably for the next tanda before dancing with someone else. Always remember to be nice when rejecting someone. Try not to hurt their feelings.
5) Tanda communication
It is customary to dance the entire tanda with the same partner unless there is a particular reason to stop (i.e.. the man is rude or very disappointing as a dance partner, your ride is waiting, your feet are aching, etc.). When two people are done dancing, one of the dancers will say gracias (thank you), the other person will respond the same way, and they leave the floor. and leave. So, the phrase "thank you" actually means "I am done dancing and ready to leave the dance floor". This is preferably at the end of a tanda, unless they want to dance another set. When two people are finished dancing, it is customary for the leader to escort the follower off the floor.
6) Line of dance (see Ronda in The Tango Dictionary)
Couples move counter-clockwise on the dance floor. This is the line of dance. Faster lanes are on the outside of the dance floor, and slower lanes run closer to the center. Refrain from randomly intersecting these lanes, especially on a crowded floor. The dance floor is reserved for couples who are currently dancing, and all others should clear the floor.
7) Collisions
When collisions happen, everyone involved should be generous and courteous in acknowledging the collision quietly. It doesn't matter whose fault it is and we will not make a big deal of the collision. To avoid collisions, both partners should help in maintaining awareness of others on the dance floor. Keeping your eyes open (as opposed to "tango trance") certainly helps awareness. Try to avoid aggressive moves on a crowded floor (i.e.. high boleos, hard ganchos, big figures, etc.) Be ready to slow down or even stop a step or figure as necessary. Leaders, be very cautious when you decide to step backwards (i.e.. shoulder-check first). Followers, let the leader know, verbally or non-verbally (i.e.. hand squeeze, holding closer, slowing down, etc.), if you notice an impending collision.
8) Feedback
While on the dance floor, please avoid chatting, providing feedback, corrections or pausing to show your partner a new step. This may be perceived as inappropriate by your partner and/or others around you. Corrective feedback is best kept for practicas and classes. Otherwise, it is acceptable to provide discreet and sensitive feedback if it is asked for, or if permission is obtained to "make an observation".
9) No cutting in
It's simple, we do not ask whether we can "cut in" between two dancers in the middle of a song or tanda. Change of partners is done during cortinas (see Cortina in The Tango Dictionary). We don't interrupt dancers to say hello or goodbye either, though a non-intrusive nod and smile may be acceptable.
10) Personal hygiene
Skill, talent, and courtesy aside, it will be hard to dance with a person more than once if they find you smelly. Solutions are: 1. Clean clothing; 2. use deodorant, breath mints; 3. use a handkerchief to wipe your sweat, or take breaks as needed to reduce your perspiration; 4. VERY IMPORTANT -- you MUST wash your hands after using the washroom. 5. Have consideration for others when using fragrances. 6. Skip the milonga when you have a cold or flu.
Hopefully, we have all learned these things as kids. If we haven't, now is the time to establish these habits.
11) Romance
The tango embrace is a privilege, not an opportunity. Unwanted romantic advances should cease, and can be seen as very invasive if they happen during the tango embrace.
12) Respect
Many of the rules listed above will be intuitively observed if we are respectful. That is, respect for your partner and other persons at the milonga, respect for the cultural heritage of tango, respect for the music and band, respect for peoples dance styles and their skill levels.
A good dancer is one who listens to the music We dance the music not the steps. Anyone who aspires to dance never thinks about what he is going to do. What he cares about is that he follows the music. You see, we are painters. We paint the music with our feet.. -- Carlos Gavito (1942-2005)
Here's another spin on the cabeceo (thanks to Darlene J. and Michael A.):
Tips for Success With the Cabeceo - A tutorial from Alejandra Todaro
1. Have a plan and be disciplined. Know ahead of time who you want to dance with for each type of music (tango, vals, milonga).
2. Have a fallback position. Pick a second and a third choice ahead of time, and keep them in mind.
3. Try to quickly identify the music of the tanda, and then try to make eye-contact with your first choice for that type of music.
4. Do NOT take your eyes off that person, even for one second. (If you have a history, the rest is easy, because he or she will probably already be looking back when they hear the music).
5. If no eye contact is returned, wait a bit. If you sense the person is aware of you, but is looking elsewhere, immediately switch your stare to choice number two, and repeat the process.
6. If eye contact is made, any sign of recognition will work. Among the milongueros and milongueras, this is usually nothing more than a glance of a second or two, or maybe a slight nod, or a cutting of the eyes toward the floor.
7. If you happen to make eye contact by mistake with someone you don t want to dance with, show no reaction at all, and look away quickly! 8. Once the dance offer has been accepted, both partners should maintain eye contact while the woman remains seated, and the man crosses the floor and stands in front her.
9. Only when you are standing face to face, eye to eye, should the woman get up to dance. (This prevents crossed signals, where the intended partner may be sitting in the line of site, but one or two rows back).
10. When the dance is finished, the man always walks the woman back to her table, and then returns to his own.
So the wisdom that says everyone sees everything in a milonga is especially applicable here. The milongueros have spent so many years watching each other, that they seem almost telepathic.
